Finding light through words.

Death The next great adventure?

2006-10-10T07:52:00.000-07:00

I woke up dead today.

It happens every now and then.

I wake up and don't want to be alive.

and so the day goes on,

feeling all dead inside.

Is death the next great adventure?

It might be that when we die,

we cease to exist.

Then again when we die,

we could go to the drab boring place in all those bibles.

I can hope that when we die,

we go somewhere where pain is a part of life,

and not all of life.

Where problems happen,

but get fixed.

Where there are happy days

and sad days.

but not happy days,

and sad years.

I hope when I die

I go to a new place.

I hope when I die I am

reincarnated somewhere

where my skills and talents are

usefull.

here all those skills are out dated,

medieval,

no longer nessasary.

I hope I am reincarnated and born in to battle.

To Die again on a blood stained field,

or explode in a space fighter.

ANd now I wake, and hope to die

another time another day.

Today I might

tonight I wish,

that i might have

the wish i wish

to die tonight.

Rose

2006-09-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

This is a poem written by Michelle, I keep it here in my journal so I can remember it.

Its a life with a thousand thorns along the way.

Sometimes it hurts but in the end its a beautiful day.

Like the bud of a rose stem its long and painful with a beautiful end.

[meaning to say ^ "like the stem of a rose bud"]

Unreality

2006-08-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

Thoughts collide,

and haze smears the immage.

A heart breaks,

in this wake;

of unknown confusion.

A misty dream

a nightmare

of loosing

and despondency.

Drop drips

and soon the flood;

tears

spilled in pain.

The river of crimson,

my heart.

Tears that never come

the pain stays the same.

A glimmering light

in far off sight.

My love is this

and will never know bliss.

Hold

2006-08-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

Am I Just

someone

to hold

Am I just a warmth

for

your cold nights

Are you just

someone

to hold

Are you just a warmth

for

my cold nights

How do I know

How do I tell

Do I voice my heart

or hold my toung

Do I wait and hope

or scream to the stars above.

My tears

drown in my thoughts

and my fears flood my heart.

when will I know,

how will this go...

Moon(s).

2006-07-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

moon

reflecting light

to the

the surface below.

watching for

the light

she can not see.

but will she see me?

aspiring to be,

she is my world,

but oh to be

a part of her.

(world)

The Past

2006-07-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

A long time a go
I thought my end had come
swept away with my one
no more to find
my happy place
alone forever
in this place

I wake to find
a peace of mind
a love to share
how could she care

and now I see
I will never be
her one
the one
for any one.

forever to roam
recklessly loving
until
I bleed me dry

just one more cry
one more time
then I find
no more tears to cry,

one more time
and then the time
will find me gone
no more to bleed
no more to die
to rest in peace
forever
in my mind.

Kie.

2006-06-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

Time slows

The music becomes

deep and distant.

The smell of the

burning candles

fills the air.

The light is soft and

flickers slowly,

at first

then

the wind picks up

and their flames

spin in circles.

The wax melts faster,

and soon small rivers

of deep red,

maroone, and

deep purple

wax flow

off their pedistals.

now I am on a trail.

A jungle.

standing on a dirt path.

it leads off in to the green.

I follow it to a watterfall.

the watterfall stays but a moment,

before falling away

to the other side of the bidge

and the bottom of the cliff.

It is not a high cliff, just enough.

The bridge is rope, and wood.

The other side is dark and green,

yet bright

and still misterious.

I follow and find a

small stone structure.

three steps lead to the top.

just a small platform.

Four wood poles

hold a roof of thatch

over this shrine.

in the center a small raised

stone cylender.

on the top flat surface,

just at kneeling hight,

is a gold, and wooden

chest.

I step foward

where walls would be

between the poles

walls of hard bright light

fill them in and every thing

else fogs over with

the bright mist of

the pureity eminating

from this room.

I open the chest;

ever so carefully.

and inside I find

my kie.

Memories of life.

2006-06-01T16:21:00.000-07:00

I see her there.

Her picture in my eyes.

I love her now,

through tired eyes.

I want to be....

I want my life to be...

I want to remember what life can be...

I want to feel all there is to feel...

; lying in her arms.

My heart feels dead.

and when shes near

I feel so alive.

I want to be alive again,

so when shes near

she can hear

all the good things

she keeps in here.

Simple things.

2006-05-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

My eyes open to the light of a new day.

I roll over and hit the snooze, then wake up... and hit the snooze.

I stumble to the door ,of my room, and fumble with the handle.

The light shining off the mirror blinds me,

as I wash my hands; and the high piched sound,

of running watter, rings in my ears.

Then watter running down my face and back is too hot,

and then too cold.

I watch the soap go down and drain away;

while watter falls in sheets over my eyes.

It is not refreshing.

Not like it used to be.

It used to be the best part

of my day.

Now it leaves and I am just as tired as when I rolled out of bed.

My day is groggy, and so cloudy.

Clear thoughts are but a memory.

I want to love life again.

It is good to me.

But I can't seem to enjoy,

not even

the simple things...

Unspoken

2006-05-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

A word withdrawn
a word unspoken
what feelings come
remain unspoken
too soon
too fast
a flood of years
pass me by
and one word
reamains
unspoken.

(two)Hearts Bungi Jumping.

2006-05-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

One heart begins to move, becomes too bruised,
begins to break, moves again bruised again.
A callous,(that) years have made,
begins to break and breaks again
and once again the callous made.
Hope still lingers in its core and then once more...(moves again.)

One heart begins to bend begins to break
and in its wake an awfull quake,
jumps again and pain again
and now again stands again on the brink
and stops to think.
Moves to hope and takes a leap, and stops mid way to take a drink.
Time stands still as the jolting pain repeats.
(he) Waits and hopes for one who'll join, hopes and and waits.
Then one day time begins
again and bring me down safe again.

Just This.

2006-05-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

Touch her skin.

Feel our heat,

as she falls in to my arms.

Warmly touch my lips

to her brest

and feel her body rise.

A kiss and the sweet caress;

beads of sweet heat begin to sweat.

Feel her body yearn

hear her heart begin to race.

Through eyes of cloudy clearity,

mesmorised by her passion.

Feel her ecstasy and know.

There is no always and forever,

Just this.

{I must give credit for this one to The Cure. I got the idea from one of their songs. :)}

Love Sky.

2006-05-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

Thunder crashes,

and lightning flashes.

Falling through the sky

little drops land.

On my face

kissing my eyes

like words unspoken

filling my hunger

wetting my thirst

and leave me wet

and woren

waiting

for the next crash

of Thunder.

Floating Cloud.

2006-05-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Do I dare to float

on clouds?

(are) Clouds ment to dream on?

Do I dream a dream

long scince lost

but never forgotten?

Do I dare the pain?

(dare) To loose that dream?

Do I risk the outcome,

and dream of dreams

that once floated a way,

on oceans of empty bottles?

A dream that once took me

high above the clouds.

Dreams of my heart,

long scince lost

But never forgotten.

Afraid to Dream;...again.

2006-05-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

Open my eyes and look through the haze.

Day and all day lost in this maze.

Raceing around; my mind is unknown.

I cant seem to sleep and I cant seem to dream.

I spend all day sleeping

waiting to dream.

Afraid to move

afraid to dream.

Im so scared

if I dare to dream,

Im so scared to dare to move,

for fear it would wake me

from My Dream.

Fog in the Night

2006-05-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

Sleep drifts

and sweet smelling fog

perfumes the air

my mind races

and then my body wakes

my mucles ache

and strech

and soon I know that sweet perfume

is not of fog

but soft silky threads

of invigerating intoxication;

fallen in the night

to shield my sleepy eyes

from mornings light.

In Her Arms

2006-05-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

In my lovers arms;

my body yearns to be there.

I feel the heat

and inhale the softness of her skin.

Hearing the sound

beeting in her brest,

gives me life.

Kiss her here and feel her

intoxication.

Lick the salty sinew

feel the rythm of her body

and the pounding

of her heart.

In my lovers arms

life goes on

and time stands still.

Blankets of Dreams.

2006-05-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

I wake from my dream

and I see the stars shining down

on me

I must have hit my head.

I cant remember.

How I got here is a mistery.

Has it all been a dream?

It all feels so real

and yet it couldnt be.

A cool breeze flitters by

and my skin erupts

in bumps,

and chills fall down

my spine

throbing and pulsing

to the constant breath from the skys.

I soak up the dream

and fall under a warm blaket

of dreams.

Finding Love.

2006-05-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

I cant get this smile off my face,

I feel like I could go any place,

Like a sloth on speed

I cant sleep

cant seem to open my eyes

wide enough,

I cant get enough of you,

your like

an intoxicating clowd

of cream filled condoms

and now I wait

till I see you again

im like a sloth on speed

a slow moving smile

floating on a twinky

in this ocean ofcream filling.

so there you have it. It makes no sence but im more happy then ive been in years and it is absloutly illogical, unreasonable and unlikely. But to hell with it. Im happy and so im just going to smile and soak up as much of what ever hormone is being pumped in to my system right now as i can.